Can you correct this? this is my homework that I have to pretend that I was there. I'll tell you what I was doing when I was taking the Titanic, with my husband and to kids to go to New York City, where my house is. The Titanic is a huge ship. We stayed i (2024)

• English (US)

The first sentence is a run on. You might want to say “Let me tell you how being on the Titanic was. I was with my husband and kids going to New York where my house is.
2 paragraph 1 sentence: “Anyways, I think it was around 12:25,” I don’t know if you spelled midnight wrong but might night isn’t a thing and you can’t use midnight if it’s 12:25 so I made it shorter.
2 paragraph: End the sentence at ‘saloon’ and put a .
Ex: saloon. Suddenly people......(continued)
“Come out quickly” switches your way of speak I think (not sure). Might want to say “We were told to come out quickly and get onto the lifeboats.”
Paragraph 3: fest is spelled fast.
Paragraph 3: “Me and my family heard them” because it’s people and not an object.
Paragraph 3: write “stopped my husband from getting on.” You said boats a lot so it sounded repetitive. “They said women and babies must ride first.”
Paragraph 3: “My kids and I said good by to my husband,” greeted is saying ‘hello’ not ‘goodbye’. Also ‘give’ should be ‘we gave big hugs’
Paragraph 3: “I did not want to leave him alone there,”
Paragraph 3: “We were helped by other people.” Sentences don’t normally start with ‘and’.
Paragraph 3: “that the ship had sunk into the ocean.”
Paragraph 3: “Of those who were drowning, only 4 survived. However my husband was not one of them.”
Paragraph 3: “I heard on the news that when everyone on the ship left the captain....(continued)”
Paragraph 3: “Many people felt (past tense) sorry for him (it is usually an object not a person) and for what had happened. The victims were mourning.”
Last line: you could say “It’s sad to think....” OR “I feel sad when I think about how something like this has happened,”
Last line: “I will remember this event until the last day of my life.”
😊 you did good. That was really hard.

• KoreanNear fluent

• English (US)

😁no problem. Hope it helped.